the Big Mattress - Freeform Interactive Radio on the Net

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. Can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. Package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

Posted by charles at 08:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Betcha don't do 1/2 these things normal day-to-day.

Posted by charles at 06:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Patriotism, 2008

I backed the war in Nam OK,
Though I used pull to stay away.
A patriot? But can't you tell?
I wear a flag on my lapel.

My company's now based offshore;
We don't pay taxes anymore.
A patriot? But can't you tell?
I wear a flag on my lapel.

That clean air stuff's not meant for me.
I drive a German SUV.
A patriot? But can't you tell?
I wear a flag on my lapel.

-Calvin Trillin

Posted by charles at 11:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Not work friendly. Keep volume down, please.

The Babysitter

Posted by charles at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

“Young lady, come closer- I pressed that call button because I want to ask you a question...”

Posted by charles at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

... and personally- I hope he wins big-time. I'm sick of the State legislating morality and life-choices.

Posted by charles at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Art came the closest- the caption is...

Scottish Bar Stool

Posted by charles at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (17)

For women only. You can use a pseudonym, but please- Go here first- and then vote (only once).

Posted by charles at 09:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Who will he pick? What are the pros, cons and risks?

(I still say he picks Gore)

Posted by charles at 09:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Yankee Doodle Dandy!
(Thanks to Al Perry and Dick Greenleaf for this.)
and to Ron Stokes for this!

Posted by charles at 07:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Posted by charles at 06:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Being honest about not knowing enough of the science to make a judgment isn't the same as an outright denial.

“..As far as I'm (and most of the world's scientists and climatologists) concerned, the debate is over. I respect and appreciate your right to say, “I don't know..” but please step out of the way while the rest of us tree-huggers try to do something about the problem.
..and we'll just SEE about your charisma oddservation.”
-c

Posted by charles at 07:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

I hate rap. I hate hip hop. I love this song.

Amy w/ Ghostface Killah

More than you need to know, but it's here.

Posted by charles at 11:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

200 days, but the Legacy will live on.

Posted by charles at 04:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Recently, I have been getting a series of complaints from women readers of this blog saying that I have no concept of what women want- and that I am incapable of posting an Estrogen Wednesday which really captures the zeitgeist of feminine tenor. Because of this criticism (which I feel to be unjustified), I am going to try to recover my self-esteem; re-invent myself; shuck any remnants of a macho reputation; dig deep into my sensitive side and really try to get it right. These first three posts are, in my opinion, beyond reproach. Maybe it was Mars in the past- but, now... it is totally VENUS!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by charles at 12:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Okay, okay- we'll stick with this one: Double standard

Posted by charles at 11:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

(Just kidding!)

Posted by charles at 10:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Give her the chance to show you how much she cares.

Posted by charles at 10:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

an oldie but goodie!

Posted by charles at 09:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I think he liked Wall-E...

Posted by charles at 09:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Enjoy this era! (it may not happen again for several generations!)

.

Posted by charles at 06:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Pink Floyd live at the Filmore
“I'm not about to dis any of their later music because it's brilliant in its own right, but this show highlights Floyd's early creativity and experimental nature. You won't hear 32 tracks each polished to an incredible shine, you'll hear the rough makings of future brillance. We aren't talking about extremely talented musicians, we are talking about creative and visionary musicians forming the basis of their complex ideas with rudimentary tools. Listening to this its easy to picture how they launched these ideas into some of the most unique and captivating music in all of rock...”
-Zoodle1
listen while you ............... float.............

Posted by charles at 09:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Got QuickTime?

Posted by charles at 09:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

2008 Updated Version

Posted by charles at 10:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's been a good week to watch karma in action.

Posted by charles at 07:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Sit down with your kid and check this one out.

Posted by charles at 01:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Women can't play on the same field as men in the Majors because..

Hey- I tried!

Posted by charles at 12:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Grab the little red wheel!!

Posted by charles at 12:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

A Note to Google Users on Net Neutrality:

The Internet as we know it is facing a serious threat. There's a debate heating up in Washington, DC on something called "net neutrality" – and it's a debate that's so important Google is asking you to get involved. We're asking you to take action to protect Internet freedom.

In the next few days, the House of Representatives is going to vote on a bill that would fundamentally alter the Internet. That bill, and one that may come up for a key vote in the Senate in the next few weeks, would give the big phone and cable companies the power to pick and choose what you will be able to see and do on the Internet.

Today the Internet is an information highway where anybody – no matter how large or small, how traditional or unconventional – has equal access. But the phone and cable monopolies, who control almost all Internet access, want the power to choose who gets access to high-speed lanes and whose content gets seen first and fastest. They want to build a two-tiered system and block the on-ramps for those who can't pay.

Creativity, innovation and a free and open marketplace are all at stake in this fight. Please call your representative (202-224-3121) and let your voice be heard.

Thanks for your time, your concern and your support.

Eric Schmidt

Posted by charles at 12:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I think

Supreme Court cuts Exxon Valdez damages, strikes down child rapist executions

Posted by charles at 06:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

“You know you've found a perfect cultural touchstone when everyone brushes past it on the way to opposite conclusions.”

Posted by charles at 06:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

True Love

Posted by charles at 07:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Let's start with this video.
After you watch it, and perhaps form an opinion, please read my feelings about it by clicking below. Then I would be interested to read your opinions.

Continue reading "May I Vent?" »

Posted by charles at 07:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (19)

"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."
- George Carlin

Posted by charles at 10:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (16)

No one did it better. No one.

“I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.”
~ George Carlin {1937-2008}

Posted by charles at 03:31 PM | Permalink

Yes, it is George Carlin. Yes, it is not Work-Friendly. Yes, wait until the kids are in school. Yes, lower the volume if you are in a public area..
“Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see: "We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
-George Carlin

..and this classic on religion.

Posted by charles at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Support Our Troops

Posted by charles at 09:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

the dash

Posted by charles at 08:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Time for a Geritol/Viagra cocktail!
(Start playing it for a second, then pause it and let it load while you get yourself a cup of tea or a brewskie.)

Posted by charles at 11:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Obama camp closely linked with ethanol. Boo to Moo!

Posted by charles at 11:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Why all the big deal media coverage about Tim Russert dying?
Put it this way.
(I mean, like- when Nancy Grace dies, I am not sure she'll get the same respect from her colleagues...)

Posted by charles at 09:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Obama unveils his new campaign seal.
(It's no longer going to be a slow news weekend!!)

Posted by charles at 04:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

1. Juno
2. Trojans
3. Gloucester, MA

Posted by charles at 12:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

.. like there is nothing we can do. This is definitely an exception!
Regardless of your political stand, please click and sign here!

Posted by charles at 12:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Warning! Please lower volume before clicking on link- This post is Rated R for Language:
John McCain did not call his wife a trollop. (Well, he did- but there is more).

Howard Stern weighs in!

Posted by charles at 11:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Posted by charles at 11:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

A lot of the green investment is based on the notion that people can do good and still make money, a faulty theory that's also been exploited by every Nigerian with Internet access.

Posted by charles at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

2031

Posted by charles at 10:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Look the other way

Posted by charles at 08:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

(No, Andy Rooney didn't write this. Nor did Robin Williams. Or Ollie North.. or Ben Franklin.. or Bill Gates.. or..me..)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are nine reasons why:

Continue reading "Estrogen Wednesday" »

Posted by charles at 09:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Trying not to sound pompous, (and the following can be verified easily by checking earlier posts on this site) I have accurately predicted:
1. The 2004 Red Sox comeback (when they were behind 3 games to 0 against the Yankees).
2. That Barrack Obama would be the Democratic candidate instead of Hillary (after hearing one of his early speeches on C-Span).
3. At the very beginning of the 2008 NBA season, that the Boston Celtics would take it all (rivaling the Patriots and the Red Sox in fan stature- this when the pundits were saying “not this year- the Celtics will be wiped out once they start playing the Western teams..” ).
4. That (after he pulled away from the pursuit of Bin Laden and Afghanistan and made the decision to invade Iraq) George W. Bush would be seen as the worst president in U.S. history.
5. That Frankie Goes to Hollywood would be as big as the Beatles.
Okay, so I missed one out of five- But now- Here's where I put all the marbles on the line.

I was watching CNN, MSNBC and FOX news today, and all the political pundits are talking about the big rift between the Obama and Clinton camps. The big news now is that Obama threw the ultimate insult by hiring Hillary's former campaign manager Patti Solis Doyle as “chief of staff to the next vice presidential candidate.” (Lou Dobbs even went so far as to call the Obama people, “morons for telling the press that, 'they didn't think hiring Solis Doyle would be taken as an insult to Clinton supporters'”- Dobbs adding that, “this premature move is totally demeaning to the next V.P. candidate to have hired a campaign manager without that V.P.'s approval..”).

So here's my prediction (and if I'm wrong, I'll just erase this and pretend I never said it!):

Continue reading "What is Obama Up To?" »

Posted by charles at 09:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (18)

WOP

Posted by charles at 09:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Virtual hula hoop

Posted by charles at 08:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

“You are what you do, not what you say- and what you do makes me cry at night...”

Posted by charles at 08:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I am one of the seven or eight people who thought the movie A.I. was prescient and brilliant. Now I may be vindicated.

Posted by charles at 06:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The winged Mustangs

Posted by charles at 09:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by charles at 03:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

Which Presidents were the really big spenders?

Posted by charles at 07:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Captain Kirk audition

Posted by charles at 10:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Hey- He's one of ours!!

Posted by charles at 06:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Dusty ain't rusty with her German version of I only want to be with you.
Auf Dich Nur Wart Ich'Immerzu

Posted by charles at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

His wife was playfully twiddling with his hair one day.
"You're getting a little thin up there," she said.
He grew angry- red in the face- and replied: "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you c__t."

Posted by charles at 11:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Hello. My name is Karen Robinson. I'm a Canadian doctor who now resides on Maui with my husband Roger and our three children. We have a kayak tour company here in Hawai'i. I love sports- especially American sports- and I was psyched to watch game 4 of the Celtics/Lakers playoffs tonight on the big screen at Charles' house with all his friends. I am a bit more knowledgeable about sports than Charles is, and he likes having me over so I can explain the nuances of the game to him. (Plus Charles is hard of hearing, so I occasionally have to explain to him what other people are saying to, or about, him).
Charles likes to TIVO all the games so he can skim past the commercials; and he asks all of his friends to show up about a half hour late for games so that he can breeze through the ads.

It was about 4 PM Hawai'i time (10PM East Coast). Charles finally cues up the TIVO. Today there were nine of us who would have rather watched the game live, but anyone who knows Charles knows he is a Nazi liberal dictator when it comes to his TIVO. So, there we were, sitting around the TV watching the game, drinking beers and eating pizza.... Watching the game.... First period, second period.. and watching Rondo sprain his ankle.. L.A. fans yell mocking calls for a wheelchair.
Wait..
“Uh-oh.” “What gives?” Someone dares to ask, “Did Rondo sprain his ankle twice this series? ”
(On the screen flashes the ticker, Celts Lead Series 2-0. ) We all looked at Charles. He smiled and kind of whispered, “Oops. I think.. I might be showing Tuesday's game by mistake.”
(I can't repeat what things were said immediately after that, but- when we finally found the real live game in real time- the announcer was saying how this may just have been the greatest comeback in NBA history!! Charles went to the refrigerator and said , “Hey- the good news is, we didn't have to suffer when the Celts were down by 24! We thought they were only down by four! Right? Right? ... Anybody else want a beer?”

We all hate Charles and we want him to go back to Boston. He may be loved unconditionally back there- but this is not Boston.

Posted by charles at 03:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Whatever. Okay?

Posted by charles at 12:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Wal-Mart announced that, sometime this year, it will begin offering customers a new discount item... Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is rumored to be teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price -- in the $2 to $5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for inexpensive wine," said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at University of Arkansas, Bentonville. "However, branding will be very important."

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were: (see below)

Continue reading "New Wine in Town" »

Posted by charles at 07:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Posted by charles at 02:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Joe Cocker (translated).

Posted by charles at 08:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

efficacious: ˌefiˈkā sh əs|
(adjective formal)
Successful in producing a desired or intended result; effective: This video is sophomoric but efficacious.

Posted by charles at 07:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

“There are some who think it will be harder for America to accept a black first lady — the national hostess who serenely presides over the White House Christmas festivities and the Easter egg roll — than a black president...”

Posted by charles at 06:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Old Duane Glasscock shows released. (C. 1980's)

Posted by charles at 05:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by charles at 11:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I was checking out Choolie's blog and I noticed that she had used some kind of method on her blog to cross out words; I had never figured out how to do that so I begged her to tell me the html secret. She said she would tell me, but only if I went to her blog and told everyone how really great her blog was, and that I should use at least five to seven positive adjectives on her blog describing how her blog was the best blog I had ever read. I agreed to do that (to say how great choolie's blog was), so let's see if her method works for me:
I will now try to cross out this word here: WORD

YEA! IT WORKS! IT fuckin' WORKS!!

Posted by charles at 07:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Gotta love this guy!
Free pizza to first reader who can stay with it*. Go on- Go grab a beer and enjoy the moment(s).

Here's the first five minutes. (Notice the right-wing hacker insert two minutes in.)
*By the way, those of you claiming to win the pizza are lying. Dick is the winner!
Should George W. be impeached? (Let's see.. Bill Clinton was impeached for lying under oath about someone giving him oral sex.....Hmmm.. let me weigh the seriousness of the crimes here... hmmm

Posted by charles at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

What does she want?

Posted by charles at 08:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

“If you weren't so gosh-darn thickheaded, and just asked for directions, we'd be back at the condo by now!”

I deleted commentary on this post, because the comments submitted so far were all really lame, predictable and not funny. (Do you all still want me to be your Supreme and Benevolent Dictator?)
-charles

Posted by charles at 04:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

My husband's video game addiction was driving me crazy. Then I found an obsession we could share..

Posted by charles at 06:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

NO ! Not work friendly
Testosterone Tuesday is usually not work-friendly. Today is no exception. This video is definitely not work (or family) friendly. if you absolutely must walk through the red beaded curtain, please remember to keep the volume down and wait until everyone in the household is asleep.
-the editor

No thanks- I'd rather go to Starbucks.

Posted by charles at 06:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (17)

Got potatoes?

Posted by charles at 04:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by charles at 09:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I posted this photo the day after Obama won the nomination

and thought it was a cool photo when I posted it.
I just realized that- more than just a cool picture- if Obama becomes President, this will become one of the most familiar photographs in recorded history.*
That said, here's this.

*Of course, by January of '09, every white kid in America will usurp the fist bump and it'll be as cliché as the high five.

Posted by charles at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Clear, concise, fairly objective and painless.